Wardrobes, Breakfast & Coffee – How to Mesh Planning With Spontaneity

Last week, Shani shared with you her post Travel Planning: Art or Obsession?, as an introduction into why she’s a meticulous planner when it comes to travel.  Traveling can be stressful for the most experienced wanderer.  For Shani, it can be overwhelming if she doesn’t have a solid plan. In contrast, I’m more of a fly by the seat of my pants guy.  Sure,  I have general ideas of what I’d like to do and will do some cursory research on how I would accomplish those things.  But by in large, I want to wake up when I wake up and make the decisions about that day, after a lovely breakfast with copious amounts of coffee of course.

Believe it or not, this has led to adjustments for both of us.  I have worked to embrace Shani’s planning where I can, realizing the benefits of her forethought and recognizing the power of the now famous travel spreadsheet.  She has learned that I prefer to structure the events of our day around where we will be eating our next meal.  I’m not a complicated creature.  And for emergencies, Shani has realized she should ensure that she always has snacks on hand.  I’d like to say the primary reason for the snacks is for our daughter’s benefit, but that would completely untrue.  Nobody has fun when I’m hangry.

Along the way, there have been conflicts.  One trip to Disney World a few years ago saw the family’s wardrobe dictated on Shani’s spreadsheet, based on which park we would be in that day.  I’ll concede that generally, I should not be left to make fashion decisions. Though I complied with the wardrobe selection on at least one of those days, I’m hopeful we have come to the understanding that I didn’t really like my day being planned out to that level of detail.  On the flip side, Shani has impressed upon me the necessity for detailed planning on certain trips.  Disney World would be another great example.  If you want to do much, you need to get there when the Park opens and have a strategy on how you “attack” each park.

The question remains, how do we make this work?  While nothing can prevent all disagreements, there are some things you can consider that can make your travels more harmonious and enjoyable for each of you (and the rest of your family).

• You need to enjoy each other – As mentioned, traveling can be stressful.  If you and your travel companion do not enjoy each other when you’re not traveling, nothing about the process or your destination is likely going to make you enjoy them while you’re traveling.  Check out this recent skit from Saturday Night Live that illustrates the point!
• Play to your strengths – If meticulous planning helps you enjoy a trip, plan everything you can get away with.  The key is what you can get away with, without alienating everyone else you are traveling with.  Take control of every small detail that impacts only you.  What will you wear on the plane to make a long flight more enjoyable?  Happily plan the aspects of your trip that your partner or family have no interest in delving into.  There is almost always middle-ground to be found.
• Build in periods of no structure into the schedule – Again, I’ll use a Disney World example.  In our happiest experiences visiting this mega world of things to do, I’ve used Shani’s planning to my benefit.  We schedule down days, like a day just to experience our resort and pool with no schedule.  It helps with Shani’s anxiety about what to do when we have a plan to do a lot of nothing.
• Be ready with Plan B – Shani loves to say that you can’t have a plan B if you don’t have a plan A.  She’s right.  Again, those who desire less structure, play to your strengths when something goes wrong with the master plan.  Use your whimsical, come what may approach and dazzle your partner with your brilliance by suggesting spur of the moment things to do when a plan falls apart.  BONUS:  Once you pick an impromptu plan B, let your uber planner run with it and figure out all the details about how to make it happen!
• Relax – You’re on a journey to rest, relax, explore, or embark on a great adventure.  Remember that.  Use all the perspective you can muster up and remember that you’re not working, you’re not doing housework or chores, and you’re with what is hopefully your favorite people in the world.

Tell us about how you and your family have made this work?  Do you have other suggestions on how to find the balance between structure and spontaneity?  Please share by leaving a comment!  Also, make sure you follow us on Facebook at Have Wife, Will Travel!

Travel Planning: Art or Obsession?

Hi everyone!  I’m Shani and I am the “wife” of Have Wife Will Travel.  Rob is the writer but I am the planner.  For me, planning is a necessity but it also serves a purpose beyond ensuring that all of our varied must-sees are seen and a must do’s are done.

Most of our trips start with me saying “I have a crazy idea” to which my family responds  “where are we going now?”  Some of our trips have been complicated multi-day, multi-location excursions while others have been simple weekend getaways.  As a family, we have cruised to Alaska and toured the East Coast by train.  We have traveled to the Land of the Mouse multiple times on both coasts.  Rob and I have cruised the Hawaiian Islands and Mexico sans the “wee” one.  Our trip to the UK next month will be our first major trip outside of the US.

Once we have identified our next destination the next step, at least for me, is the “infamous” spreadsheet.  As soon as there is a spreadsheet everyone knows the $h!t is real.  Most people are completely taken aback by my sometimes complicated spreadsheets, others laugh at me and others yet are oddly impressed by the complexity and obvious amount of time and dedication that goes into the creation of “the spreadsheet”.  My spreadsheets are famous in our circles.  They are expansive, they are color coded and for me, they serve a purpose other than organization.

Confession time, I am mildly OCD and also suffer from an anxiety disorder.  The process of planning, spreadsheeting (yes, it’s a verb) and color coding our trips helps me to control the unknown things that can send my anxiety spiraling.  Traveling is exciting and I love it but traveling, for someone with anxiety can be terrifying.  By controlling the process of planning I am able to control some of the anxiety that I often feel when faced with things outside of my immediate control.

In my defense, the spreadsheet is more of a structure and my Plan A for the days to come.  Without a Plan A, there is no Plan B when things inevitably go sideways.  I’ve gotten miserably sick on trips.  Rob has injured himself.  S has been a toddler (enough said)  Suffice it to say, plans inevitably change.  My spreadsheets allow me to control some of the chaos.

The UK trip we have on the horizon is causing me some concern because the entirety of the planning process has been turned over to a tour company.  I used a travel agent to plan a Disney trip several years past and hated it so much I never did it again.  The loss of control over the trip made me crazy.  This trip is one month away and until just a few days ago, I didn’t even know what hotels we were staying in!  I feel oddly disconnected from this trip and I suspect it has to do with my lack of direct involvement in the planning process.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t made some of our plans. We are taking a side tour to the Scottish Highlands on our free day in Edinburgh.  I’ve booked a proper English Tea during our free afternoon in Bath.  We have tickets to see The Cursed Child in London’s West End on Father’s day and we are trekking to the outskirts of London one morning to see the Harry Potter sets at the Warner Brothers Studio.  All of these items required extensive research on my part and are represented in a spreadsheet.

But I am still feeling disconnected and stressed about the entire trip.  For those of you that plan your vacations, what purpose does the planning process serve for you if anything at all?  For those of you that suffer from fear and anxiety issues like I do, how do you manage those symptoms while traveling?